(AKA Cruel and Unusual Punishment)
I start a blog and then practically ignore it for a week. Wondering why? Well, it so happens that my time was supposed to be spent doing other things last week (at least the Bishop thought so). I received a message on my answering machine from the Bishop and was so confused that he wanted to talk to me (not Paul, who is the executive secretary) that I actually made the mistake of calling him back and asking "what do you need--did you want to talk to me or Paul?" I was sure I had heard the message wrong and that he had really asked for "Brother," not "Sister" and I am apparently too stupid to realize that they sound nothing alike. The dreaded phone call continued and I was asked to speak in church on Sunday. "Are you sure?" is all I can think of for an answer (you never want to say “yes” too quickly or the Bishop will think you actually LIKE this sort of thing). The phone call continues and I get off the phone with a new assignment lurking around the corner (and probably a deer-in-headlights look on my face).
Great, I "get" to speak about increasing spirituality in our homes. The funny thing about this topic is that writing a talk causes major breakdown in the normal functioning of a family with young children. Where we usually DO find some moments when it seems we are doing okay with the spirituality in our home, having the mom of the house spending hours writing a talk is NOT a way to improve spirituality with kids around. I decide that I will be lucky if I get to sit down for ten minutes to read up on any ideas for my talk (let alone have it quiet enough to actually remember what in the world the word "spirituality" means in the first place), so I immediately shower and get on the computer. The good news is that our kids are AMAZING during general conference, so I have some fresh ideas from listening to conference. The bad news is that they don't actually post the talks online until Thursday (and not until the afternoon, I discovered by checking about every hour on Thursday this week) and I wanted this talk written WAY before that so that I could change it at least 5 or 10 times before Sunday arrived. I spent many long hours on Tuesday and Wednesday sitting in an uncomfortable folding chair at the computer transcribing a few talks from conference and adding to and taking away from a text that was supposed to miraculously form itself into a coherent and meaningful talk.
After only one really weird dream in which I was late for church, sick to my stomach, and trying to figure out who mixed up my pages and why they had absolutely nothing familiar on them, the day arrives. We arrived at church in a mostly unfrazzled fashion and I left the kids with Paul before ascending the stairs to the stand. I sure hate that feeling that I am being watched. This also happens to be the first day I have attended church wearing maternity clothes, so we might as well announce to the whole world that I am WAY TOO FAT to be standing up for 12 minutes for a talk. Praying that my back can support my weight for that length of time (it's been having a hard time with that), that the baby doesn't start wiggling and playing with my nerves (which he's been loving) so that I can at least keep the cringing and twitching to a minimum, and that at least one thing I say will be remembered by at least one person in the room for more than five minutes, I begin in that weird voice that echoes through the microphone and over the congregation. Twelve minutes pass relatively quickly, I am able to hold my pregnant weight, refrain from both twitching and cringing, and even put together a few coherent sentences (I think)!
Phew!! I pulled it off!! Why do I always make this so difficult for myself?!?
A half-hour later, Sid shares a scripture in Primary. This is the first time he has participated in the opening exercises in Primary and we are fully expecting a stubborn refusal, but he gets up with a big grin on his face, annunciates very clearly and repeats with enthusiasm the words Paul whispers into his ear. The only sign of nervousness or shyness is part-way through when his little hand reaches up and rubs Paul’s ear. After sitting with his class (still with the big grin) and waving goodbye to Paul and me he carries on with life like everything is normal. He seems to say, "No sweat, Mom!" as he winks at me and I leave for my class. I don't think I could have grinned if I had wanted to while I was speaking although I may have done just as well as Sid if I had been able to rub Paul's ear during my round of public speaking.
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5 comments:
Next time, I'll either have to stand up there with you or I think I can get some fake ears at work that you could stick in your pocket and rub.
Just as a public announcement. Shelly did wonderfully on her talk. She presents herself in such a dignified manner. The funny part was that Austin was standing on the bench yelling, "Hey, Mommy. Come here!"
that's awesome. I have a bishop that knows better than to ask me to speak in sacrament meeting. i would have to kill him and he knows that. also his counselors know that too, so it has worked out so far.
Just to clarify...The reason I was speaking in the first place was because the Bishop decided that the bishopbric members' wives should speak (too bad when the bishopbric spoke Paul got off the hook and only had to play the piano). Also, I could hear from the stand my sweet little Austin yelling "mommy" through the whole thing although I didn't know he was saying "hey, come here" or I may have been more responsive to his request!!!
. . .This is Jill actually,
Anyway, Shelly, you are so articulate. However, I'm glad the ordeal is over, and that you didn't go into labor during the talk (although that would have taught the bishop not to ask you again, hehehe).
So I have to tell you my talk woes-our last Sunday in NE, our Branch President had Jed bear his testimony, I did not get off that easy. I got to speak on pornography--that was fun. . .or something.
I hear you Shell! I very much hate public speaking...but it seems I won't get away from that any time soon. (Even though I've only spoken in church about 6 times in my whole entire life.) In fact, I get to speak on the 'family' in about 2 weeks. Go figure....could you give me any more of a general topic to have to narrow down? I think not! Anyhow, I bet you did magnificently!
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