Oh, the nerve!!

Yay for school! Sid was so excited this morning we could hardly get a nice picture from him (although the goofy ones are a great representation as well). There were many times in my life that I thought neither Sid nor myself would make it to this day and now we have arrived. I am breathing a big sigh of relief while I am worrying about my little boy.

Savannah started second grade on Wednesday. She woke up, started to stretch and said "I'm so happy" before she was halfway through her stretch. There are seven kids in her class that go to our church and it was nice for her to know some of the kids before school started. She had a great first few days for which I am terribly relieved (more on that below).

When thinking about the beginning of school I realized that it's time for another confession to go up on my blog (and a long explanation). I get so nervous about some things that I get sick to my stomach. Now that the truth is out there everyone who reads this will know why I look so tired this week. The result of my nervousness is normally lack of sleep. I can't get my mind to stop humming the same things over and over when I am nervous and then when I finally DO fall asleep I have weird dreams relating to whatever it was that brought on the nerves in the first place. Then I wake up many MANY times throughout the night wondering how the clock changes so slowly. I have learned to settle my poor brain down by singing to myself, but that is always overpowered by the nerves when I hit that slump between wakefulness and sleeping.

My nerves have come to me in full force this week with the beginning of school. Every year I have ever attended school or had any children attend school I get all jittery (particularly the night before) and try to convince myself that it is just excitement and anticipation and that all will be well. The truth is that I am scared to death that I (or now my children) will end up in the wrong place or that some negative unknown event will occur. Thus, my dreams revolve around being in the wrong classroom and running from something very terrifying. A week or two into my own schooling I always had dreams about being chased down and shot--right in the face, but let's not go there (I haven't had one of those for a long time and I'd like to keep it that way).

This year my nervousness has been intensified as a result of a horrific first four days of school last year. Those fears of ending up in the wrong place were CONFIRMED. Those fears of a negative unknown event were CONFIRMED. Even the fear of running from something terrifying was confirmed. All in Savannah's first four days of first grade. I was too much of a wreck last year to say anything to very many people.

On Savannah's first day of school she did not get breakfast. They serve breakfast at the elementary school here for free, but she didn't get any because she didn't want to accidentally go the wrong place and didn't want to ask anyone about it (she's a bit like me, sorry sweetie!).

Breakfast is not really a big deal when you are five and excited anyway, but when your bus pulls up to your house without you on it your Mom officially FREAKS OUT!! Yes, Savannah ended up in the wrong place and my fear was confirmed. She had told her teacher which bus she was supposed to be on, but the teacher's list from the bus company said something else (If I were the teacher I would have gone with my list as well, but Savannah really DID know the correct bus). For some unknown reason the bus company had kicked our old address back in and she was being sent to our old house. She had been riding on the bus to our new house for three months at the end of Kindergarten and I had notified the bus company of our new address, so I was pretty upset when they tried to blame me for their horrific mistake. As we were attempting to figure out where she was through a very busy bus radio system, I wasn't sure whether to wait patiently while the bus driver got a response from the bus company or go call the cops immediately. It was a VERY rough 45 minutes for me. She was found, the bus she was on brought her to our house, and I hugged her and sobbed uncontrollably into her shoulder. She was fine and was just wondering what was wrong with me.

Day three of first grade came and I was relieved to have my daughter come home on the correct bus two days in a row. Then I got a phone call from a parent reporting that Savannah was making out with boys at recess. My first thought was that the informant was not the most trustworthy, but I still had to investigate in case it was true (I roll my eyes). I asked Savannah about recess and if she saw the boy in question to which she replied, "yes, and he gave me a kiss on the cheek and it was gross!" That is NOT "making out." I had parents at church telling me they heard about my sweet Savannah's "kissing" for a few weeks after that and it made me S-I-C-K!! I wanted to thump that boy and his informer! I talked to Savannah about keeping him away and told her if she has to actually RUN away, then she should do it (fear of running from something terrifying and the accompanying dreams came that night).

The fourth day of school Savannah came home and her hair was cut in the front to the top of her ear lobes (negative unknown events are coming from everywhere). We have never had any of our kids cut hair in our house and I really didn't expect it to happen on the bus on the way home from school. Another little first grader had told Savannah that if she didn't let her cut her hair, then she wouldn't be her friend. My heart ached for Savannah and her desire to be kind and make friends with everyone, but we had to have a talk about how good friends do not try to get you to make bad choices. I fixed the haircut (she had very short hair in her 6-year-old birthday pictures), and she looked adorable with short hair, but my heart continued to ache when I looked at how incredibly short it was.

I now think it is somewhat reasonable for me to be nervous for the beginning of school. Perhaps all of those years of worry were in preparation for motherhood and the additional worry and challenges and for Savannah's first four days of first grade. I never had any hitches when I went to school and am extremely grateful that so far I can say the same about Savannah's first three days of second grade (they are attending a different school this year, which might help as well). I look forward to Sid's smiling face when he gets off the correct bus today after school and tells me all about the good times he has had. Perhaps my worry will ease and I will get some sleep!!